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How does one know if they have low self-esteem? How to fix it?

Oct 23, 2022

I’m guessing if you are looking around the internet for information on low self-esteem, trying to decide if you have it, you are experiencing some of the following:

  • You discount yourself and don’t think you have much going for you.
  • You’re pretty sure everyone else feels pretty good about themselves but you just don’t.
  • You treat yourself poorly.
  • You think others have all the answers for you. You don’t trust yourself.
  • You let people take advantage of you.
  • You have an inkling that you are not living up to your potential and you would if you actually knew what that is or what it means.
  • You have poor relationships.
  • You feel lousy a good deal of the time (lousy might include: fear, guilt, sadness, emotional pain, anger, hurt, blame, etc.)

Having been a person who had low self esteem for many years, I know what you feel like – and it isn’t good. And it isn’t that you are defective somehow. It’s that the people and situations that were supposed to keep your automatically-there-when-born self-esteem all shiny, did not do the job that you would have wanted them to do. In other words, your childhood caretakers were less then perfect and probably suffered from similar low self-esteem feelings themselves.

But you live at a time when there is help for such a thing – lots of help really. If you found this article, you’ve likely found others. Some may promise you something like “7 Secrets to Good Self Esteem”.

I am sure that articles like that have some kernels of truth and help in them but mostly they don’t go deep enough and so even though you try to make use of those secrets, you still feel most of what you always felt – lousy and lousy about yourself.

So what is the answer? How does one fix it? Well, first let me tell you that there is no Arrival Building at Good Self-Esteem. Building good self-esteem takes work and time. It’s a journey of sorts. The journey can sometimes be painful but it is always worthwhile.

Here’s what I’ve done for the past 40+ years which has worked so well that I now have a business coaching women suffer from the same issues themselves So what do I do?

Well, first I insist on a certain attitude. That attitude is one of “I created everything” and it means that I have chosen to believe that I created the emotionally abusive mother I had and the sexually abusive father. Now did I really do that? Who knows ? Even some scientists today are beginning to believe that we actually do create our lives. But truly, that doesn’t matter. What matters is the attitude of self-empowerment as opposed to feeling like a victim.

When I felt like a victim, not only did I have low self esteem, I also attracted people and situations who would convince me further of my being a lousy person.

Next I require you to deal with their past experiences in a way that allows the old unexpressed feelings and emotions to be brought into the light and turned into something positive. It's a very safe way of doing so.

With a toolbox full of highly useful and reusable tools for continuing the process, you go off into the world to continue growing and finding the beautiful person who you really are.

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