Thoughts on Relationships and Life

Is he a bit of a jerk on Valentine's Day and does it really matter?

Most years I didn't really care very much about V-Day. I got so much love and attention on a frequent basis, that I didn't need a special day for that. Don't get me wrong. I like to be remembered as much as the next woman but I felt so filled up, that it was no big deal.

Well, one year I was immediately cranky to my husband because he forgot. He even asked a couple of times over the last couple of weeks when the big day was - and that day - nothing. But here's the important part, knowing that I had the freedom to be honest and the requirement to be honest if I wanted no resentment to pile up, I told him immediately. He was suitably sorry and I felt fine immediately. I take this as a testament to the years of emotional honesty we built up. There were no other resentments that wanted to tag along on this little disappointment.

So Happy Valentines Day. I was fairly certain I would get a card or something before the day was over but I forgive him either way. And...

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Is He In or Out: Interpreting Body Language of Men

I’m not a man but I’ve lived with one for most of my life. Father, husbands, sons but when I did, I wasn’t aware of things like body language until my later years. 

Here’s what I know – or at least think I know:

  • If he’s very quiet, he’s thinking. Being very quiet isn’t exactly body language, but it fits quite importantly in understanding men. I used to think that when he was very quiet he was possibly mad at me.
  • If he leaves the house without telling me, he thinks it’s no big deal if all he’s doing is going to the car or taking out the trash. I used to think when he left the house without telling me that he was possibly mad at me or a big jerk for not caring about me because I’d wonder and be worried.
  • If he wants to be alone, he needs some “cave time” as John Gray, the Men Are from Mars guy calls it. I used to get really scared that he was possibly mad at me or that I had really blown it or...
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Men Are from Way Farther Away Than Mars

Many  of you probably have read the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus and many of the rest you have heard things about it if you haven't read it. Well, I didn't write it. But I worked with John Gray for 18 years, wrote workshops and a training based on the Mars Venus stuff and trained over 500 speakers and therapists on how to give those workshops. So I should know about men, right? Well, I know some things about men.

In order to feel loved in a relationship, men need to be trusted. Men need to be accepted the way they are. They don't want you to try to change them. Men want to be appreciated for what they do. They also want to be admired – to be regarded by their partner with "wonder, delight and pleased approval". Men also need encouragement so that they become hopeful and courageous to go out and do what they do all over again – even when it's hard. This is all vintage Mars Venus. You may not agree but the expert says so and the following are how I...

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