Sometimes we like to stay in denial about our relationships. We can't really tell if it's working or not. Sometimes it's as if we just don't want to know - or at least our ego doesn't want to know because then it will mean change and our egos HATE change.
So here's the simple test: Stop. Think of your relationship. Pay attention to your body. Does thinking of it make you happy to think about it or leave you feeling dull, hurting, confused, wishful, pained, __fill in the blank__________. If it leaves you feeling anything like that, you've got problems.
I've had three varieties. The first one was started when neither of us had a clue about how have a relationship. I felt hurt, fearful, unhappy and wanted to leave almost every day for 15 years. I'm pretty sure he did too. We were young and did not know how to treat each other well.
The second one would have been the kind to fool most anyone. He was a really nice person. He tried to be a partner but there were the sneaky ways he didn't tell the truth about himself and what he was up to; the ways I felt wistful that maybe I made a mistake; the discomfort of the imbalance in contributions to our financial well-being with no real desire on his part to improve himself. It might have confused me if I hadn't had my long and hard disaster before it. I knew I couldn't hold onto something that wasn't working well EVER AGAIN.
I think making that decision was what led to the over 32 year never a question, always good and working partnership I have allowed in my life. No confusion. Hurts dealt with right away. Very clearly a well working success story.
What will it take for you to decide to have a good relationship?
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