If I write out my feelings, I will feel better - basically the idea behind journaling. I will also become more clear and, as a natural-born teacher, I can offer my experience to benefit others. So here goes. I could have called it "Love Wears Many Faces or Acts of Love".
For many, many years my husband and I had created a morning ritual/habit whereby we get up very early which sort of fit our biological clock and gave us time to connect in the morning. But in many ways, it had stopped working.
I had been noticing that we were not that interested in what each other was saying. (Of course, the little girl in me wanted to say "HE is not interested in what I am saying and I go out of my way to care" but knowing that it takes two, let's just say it was "each other".
I had been wanting to sleep quite often later than 4am but got up anyway.
I was kind of tired of being so out of sync with most of the rest of my world. We almost never considered doing stuff at night because it was such a big disruption in our schedule, etc.
So one morning I was dying to finish this conversation which had started because I was a little bent out of shape because he had actually admitted that he was thinking of something else the whole time I was telling him something important to me. My "act of love" was leaving it for another time and not laying my whole emotional deal on him right before he left for work.
How could I not love and respect a man who continued to support me in every way possible including financially at 80 years old? How could I not know from 30 years with him that he absolutely WAS interested in what I was doing and saying? How could I see him off to work giving him a hard time to have to deal with on the way?
And you know what's sad, we didn't kiss goodbye? I wished I could have run out and chased his bus and get that kiss in.
I think we just needed to look at this as an indication that what we had done out of love has turned into an almost unconscious habit. Neither one of us wanted to end up being like so many couples we saw at The Coffee Bean early in the morning on the weekend who are reading the paper and not talking at all or couples we saw out at restaurants doing the same.
Life is a school and that day it became very clear that we needed a little shake-up of our schedule to wake-up and figure out new ways and time to connect.
And now that he is gone, I have no regrets because we always did figure out ways to stay connected and passionate about each other right up until the very last day - August 25, 2015.
Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from our team.
Don't worry, your information will not be shared.
We will never share your information to anyone.