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Relationship Communication - Grouchy? Me?

healthy relationships May 01, 2022

Darn! After so many years together and so much love, I could still act like a creep. One day the Martian came home after work. . .

A word about his work. He was 78 and started teaching physics at an inner-city high school at age 70! He got up each morning by 4:30, left the house by 6:00 and got home most days between 4:30 and 5. Although financial adversity pushed him into this, it turned out he loved it and loved the kids.

Anyway, my part in making this career work for him was to make his lunch and breakfast and provide whatever support I could. With good relationship communication, I reminded him of his purpose and the rewards he got even when it was hard. Sometimes he was just tired and I could help by throwing around ideas with him on how to get the kids involved and learning.

OK. Back to that day in particular. When the Martian came home I was washing the dishes for what seemed like the millionth time. I wanted him to empty his lunchbox when he came in so I could wash the containers he used for salad and dressing. Sometimes he did it right away; sometimes not. But I was fighting with feeling very put upon and tired and grumpy so grumpiness is what came out when he didn't do it the right away. Darn!

I know I teach about relationships so I started remembering my own secrets.

Secret #1 Who is most important?
Secret #4 - Communicate appropriately.
Secret #5 - A matter of respect.
Secret #8 - The small stuff vs. the big stuff.
Secret #10 - Take responsibility.

But doing all of that (which I did as quickly and as well as I could) was what both of us did for the 31 years we were together and it's why we could proudly say we were "living happily ever after."

As I look back on my relationship now my husband is no longer with us, I am even more grateful that we treated each other the way we did. Imagine how badly I'd feel if I had not.

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