People in their 30’s and 40’s whose parents didn’t divorce are probably amongst the minority in many places in the United States. It is a fact of our life – divorce and the kids who go through it along with their parents. And kids have no choice.
My kids went through divorce; my grandson has two homes and 3 parents; many, many people I know have children who have gone through their divorces with them.
OK parents, we all did the best we could. It’s such a hard thing for we parents who love our kids to know right up front that something we are doing is going to affect our kids for the rest of their lives – even if it is the exact right and necessary thing for us. So this paragraph is for parents. Somehow, someway you need to make a personal commitment to yourself and your children that you will work to work out what you need to work out so that you are a healthier and more aware person and learn whatever there is to learn about this experience so...
Darn! After so many years together and so much love, I could still act like a creep. One day the Martian came home after work. . .
A word about his work. He was 78 and started teaching physics at an inner-city high school at age 70! He got up each morning by 4:30, left the house by 6:00 and got home most days between 4:30 and 5. Although financial adversity pushed him into this, it turned out he loved it and loved the kids.
Anyway, my part in making this career work for him was to make his lunch and breakfast and provide whatever support I could. With good relationship communication, I reminded him of his purpose and the rewards he got even when it was hard. Sometimes he was just tired and I could help by throwing around ideas with him on how to get the kids involved and learning.
OK. Back to that day in particular. When the Martian came home I was washing the dishes for what seemed like the millionth time. I wanted him to empty his lunchbox when...
If you have no way to handle your undermining thoughts and feelings, you will be bringing them all into your relationship with inappropriate behavior and words. On this day I wrote about my path which made me realize that in a very important way I've assumed the most important part of what makes a long-term relationship work - fully committed to following my own path. Which brings me to a past weekend...
On a Friday during the night, I developed my very first bladder infection. It is highly uncomfortable. What I've learned to do is to deal with it on the spiritual/emotional level and the physical level so I searched on the internet and found out that lots of water and lots of vitamin C would get rid of it and I also looked in a very important little book called Heal Your Body by Louise Hay. It says that bladder problems are about "Anxiety. Holding onto old ideas. Fear of letting go. Being 'pissed off'." It also says the positive affirmation to use is "I comfortably and easily...
I define a spiritual life coach as a life coach who acknowledges the presence of spirit in the world and intuition in the body.
If you need support:
you may find the help of a spiritual coach most welcome.
Most coaching is at some level a form of holistic or spiritual life coaching because all coaching is primarily about expanding awareness. Working with an intuitive or spiritual life coach is thus about reaching clarity through awareness. Spiritual coaches can help you clarify issues that may be keeping you stuck.
A spiritual life coach will help you expand your awareness with a much wider perspective than just what appears to be happening. They will help you see the purpose and gains from the hard things in your life. They will empower you with a perspective of learning rather than the victim.
When I run across someone who expects to have a perfect relationship at all times, I feel sad for them. Life is not like that. Babies are perfect – and then they cry and mess their diapers. Relationships often seem perfect in the beginning and then something happens. What is it that happens?
Life happens. And the emotional reactions you each have to it often cause friction. For example, you’re married for a year. You couldn’t be happier and then you lose your job. You’re fine about it. A little scared maybe but you’ve watched your father bounce back from business failure a number of times and you somehow know all will be well. He, on the other hand, only feels really comfortable when he knows what the future will be. Uncertainty brings out a controlling side you never really noticed before. And the budding entrepreneur in you who kind of likes the challenge of creating something out of nothing, DOES NOT WANT TO BE CONTROLLED.
Well, imagine a few more...
It’s pretty easy to start a relationship. Most of us have done it many times. Here’s where the sticky part comes in: What do you do the first time you feel angry and you don’t want to come across as a bitch?
Oh come on now. Tell the truth – at least to yourself. Somewhere inside you, you know you have to be real but...
“But he’s a pretty good guy. He won’t always be this jerky. He’s so sweet, really. I must have just had a hard day that’s why I’m so super sensitive.”
So you say nothing. You swallow how you really feel and come back for more of that “easy” relationship.
But what is it like being in that relationship now?
My husband and I were together for 32 years. When I look around in the world at most people who've been together for many years I see one of two places the majority of couples end up. Either they are "comfortable" with each other which means they fit like an old shoe and I imagine that he may come home and watch TV or read the sports section and she comes home and does her routine. They're fond of each other but so are many brothers and sisters and long-term friends fond of each other. The other extreme are those who are fed up with each other and living their own lives or thinking of divorce.
But we are in a third kind of relationship – a vibrant, healthy one. Some of what makes it healthy is the following:
Being two mature adults with good self images, we had the flexibility to each know when we come first or when we need to put our partner first. For example, I like early morning but I never conceived of waking up each weekday by 4:15a.m. I always liked 5:30. Well,...
Sometimes we like to stay in denial about our relationships. We can't really tell if it's working or not. Sometimes it's as if we just don't want to know - or at least our ego doesn't want to know because then it will mean change and our egos HATE change.
So here's the simple test: Stop. Think of your relationship. Pay attention to your body. Does thinking of it make you happy to think about it or leave you feeling dull, hurting, confused, wishful, pained, __fill in the blank__________. If it leaves you feeling anything like that, you've got problems.
I've had three varieties. The first one was started when neither of us had a clue about how have a relationship. I felt hurt, fearful, unhappy and wanted to leave almost every day for 15 years. I'm pretty sure he did too. We were young and did not know how to treat each other well.
The second one would have been the kind to fool most anyone. He was a really nice person. He tried to be a partner but there were the sneaky ways he...
The year when my family and friends celebrated my 65th birthday with me, we had about 16 people including 3 noisy little boys ages 8, 4 and almost 3 in my not that big living room. It was joyful mayhem at its best.
Awhile after the event I was discussing the wonderfulness of it all and the Martian (my husband Bart) said he realized that one of the things he wants to learn from me is how to create a loving family and friends as I have done.
He reiterated how both his mother and father left their families behind and subtly and not so subtly gave him and his sister the message that people and particularly families are too much bother and trouble. We all know that families are bother and trouble. To me there is so much happiness from the relationship support I have with my family and friends. There is great joy and richness in working out of the bother and trouble.
Here's a couple of quotes from my step-daughter's special birthday gift to me 70 Things I Love About...
I’m not a man but I’ve lived with one for most of my life. Father, husbands, sons but when I did, I wasn’t aware of things like body language until my later years.
Here’s what I know – or at least think I know:
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