Thoughts on Relationships and Life

Relationship Support for Me and My Martian

My Martian and I had certain times that we set aside just for our relationship support. Every morning before school we had a little sacred time together. It certainly is not the same as a weekend in the country but it created a beautiful everyday-ness to our lives. The Martian left for work at around 6:30 a.m. We got up by 4:00 a.m. to have enough time to do what we did without him rushing off and us not having a few minutes to connect.

It's at these little meetings that we caught each other up on what was happening in our lives, planned events and even planned a little bit into the future - like going to visit our kids over the holidays.

In the past he had been at such a high level of stress by the time the semester was over, it was important that he had the time off to relax. Finally, after 8 years of teaching, he wasn't that stressed. He taught until he was 80!

In the past when he was on vacation, I had trouble adjusting to having him in my "workspace" -...

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Who better to write about a husband wife relationship than me?

healthy relationships Nov 01, 2017

The reason I can say that is that I’ve had three – and they couldn’t be more different:

Husband Wife Relationship #1

We were 18 when we met, 22 when we married and we didn’t have a clue who we were or how to have a functional relationship – with ourselves or each other. I came from what is politely called a dysfunctional family and I wore all the hallmarks – low self-esteem, a poor self-image on a physical and personality level. I thought I was defective and not good at anything and so would never find another partner. That’s why I married who I did. By the time we were dating for 6 months I already experienced his mean and controlling ways. He experienced my victimy and wimpy emotional untruth. I never stood up for what I thought or felt. I was too damaged and immature. This mess that we created together lasted for a total of 19 years. We split a couple of months before our 15th anniversary.

Husband Wife Relationship #2

By this time, a...

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Healthy Relationships - The Coming and the Going

It is a scientific fact that healthy relationships make us healthier and happier. And this includes all different types of healthy relationships - friends, family, partners and colleagues. All different types of relationships but bottom line - no matter what type of relationships you have, when it's healthy, so are you. The healthier they are, the happier you will be and the less stress you will have in your life.

Anyone who's ever been in any kind of relationship knows there are sometimes (or often) challenges. You might get disappointed by the other but by accepting the people that we love for who they are and not expecting them to change for you, you have a good start towards having healthy relationships in your life.

Take the time to really talk to the people in your life and actually listen to what they are saying – you know, communication - a key factor in maintaining healthy relationships with anyone.

In recent years my disappointments in relationships have been about...

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Love Compatibility Test: How will I know he's the one?

healthy relationships Oct 30, 2017

It would really be great if such a thing existed out there in the world. All you’d have to do is get out your trusty credit card, put in your number and the perfect questions to tell you each whether you were compatible would pop right up. And off into the sunset you’d go – either together or apart - depending on the results of the test.

That might have worked when you were 14. Some teen magazine created the test. You took it and found out yes or no.

Or you might count on the info you get from your local or online astrologer. Maybe they do know but truly, how to know if he’s the one or not is not that hard. The information is right there inside you.

Every time he makes you happy, he’s the one. Every time he does something that upsets you, angers you, hurts your feelings or makes you feel small, he is not the one. If he continues to hurt your feelings and make you feel small, he is not the one.

Now I am not so naïve as to think it’s that...

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Is it SEX or is it INTIMACY? The View from Mars

relationship secrets Oct 25, 2017

by Maia's Martian (Written a year before he passed away.

"Yesterday evening Maia and I were talking and she brought up the topic about how having sex too soon (whatever that means) in a new relationship sometimes seems to confuse things for women and not always in a good way.

Because I am wired and socialized as a Martian my first impulse was to think 'the more sex the better and the sooner the better, what’s wrong with that?'

As I thought about my own experience, however, I realized that there is more to it than that and so here is the view from an older Martian after 30 years in a successful relationship:

The word intimacy usually is a more polite way to say “sex”. Here is a more inclusive meaning of intimacy - INTO-ME-SEE - which maybe means “through sex, we are able to know each other.”

And that is the gift of an intimate long-term committed relationship. You develop a mirror to each other’s Soul. In simple terms, you get to see the Real...

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Signs of a Bad Relationship

issues Oct 23, 2017

You’re searching all over the internet to find out signs of a bad relationship. So that means you have the question and somewhere inside you the knowledge that your relationship sucks. Otherwise, why would you be searching? I mean we all know what a bad relationship can look like:

  • You don’t agree on much.
  • You each blame each other for lots of things
  • You argue or you shut down. And he does the same.
  • Your eye is wandering to other relationships and you are seeing theirs as way better – or at least it looks better than yours.
  • You feel pretty bad about yourself.
  • You’ve started to believe that NO relationship works.
  • You feel abused.
  • You are abused.
  • You feel sad, angry - just plain unhappy.
  • You want to leave.
  • You’re afraid to leave.
  • You think maybe you haven’t tried hard enough.
  • You think maybe you’re totally codependent and can’t live on your own.
  • You don’t really trust your partner anymore.
  • You don’t really trust yourself...
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Communicating the Small Stuff

healthy relationships Oct 21, 2017

 

OK. I teach and coach about relationships. Everybody knows that communication is one of the pillars of a healthy relationship. In relationship communication I have learned to communicate the big stuff - like: "You are acting like a jerk" or "when you don't talk to me, I feel scared about our relationship and don't know what's going on," etc.

But how do I let you know things like, "You have dandruff "or "you dripped on the bathroom floor or messed up the sheets?" Those things are so personal and seem so hard to communicate and so petty to boot. I just want to let them go. But then I end up resentful. You know, little thing on top of little thing on top of clean up after you and say nothing, on top of little thing and I'm ready to walk right out the door.

I was in a great relationship for 31 years and I still haven't learned the best way to do it.

Any ideas on relationship communication on those really personal and bugging things?

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How Much Agenda Should Life Coaches Have Anyway? NO AGNDA

life coaching Oct 20, 2017

Just before I went to sleep the other night, I realized I wanted to write about a life coach’s agenda so I wrote a note on the pad I keep by my bed. Then yesterday as I was running around town doing errands, a car pulled in front of me and its license plate was: NO AGNDA. Too synchronistic to ignore.

When I went to coaches’ training, I was told that an excellent life coach would have no agenda. That is probably true in a perfect world. It is also true that human beings are almost not capable of having no agenda while loving. That means we have no expectations of our clients. And that isn’t true.

We expect them to:

  • call in on time
  • pay us in a timely manner
  • bring their issues and accomplishments to the call
  • have a quiet space in which to have our meeting
  • have done their assignments or bring up what stopped them
  • share their failures
  • share their successes

So, of course, we have agendas for our clients. But maybe they were only talking about personal agendas like...

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Santa Monica - The Land of the Prius and Running Red Lights

issues Oct 19, 2017

I just drove home 2.4 miles. I checked it on Google Maps and I counted 16 Priuses which would lead me to believe that all of these people have some sort of awareness that says, "I want to be part of the solution on the planet". A great thing we'd likely all agree with.

On the other hand in my great aware city of Santa Monica, voted 44th best city to live in, running red lights has become more the norm then just stopping. Oh and let's not forget the new passing on the right to get 1 car or 12 cars ahead.

For me, it has made driving and crossing the street a bit scary. A man actually yelled at me because he was expected to stop at a stop sign and I was crossing the street.

Is it EGO run rampant? In other words "I'm so important, don't you dare get in my way!" or is it anxiety? What is going on?

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What Would Inspire You to Seek an Emotion-Based Coaching Course? by Heather Williams

life coaching Oct 19, 2017

It is a confronting and defining moment when a person comes to the realization that something is not working, and their life is not turning out the way they think it should. Sometimes it’s not just one incident that wakes you up to the fact that you need to change your ways or you’ll continue along this endless path you’re on. For many, it is a gradual awakening of that spark within that tells you it’s time to move forward. For others, it takes a life-shattering incident.

So, why seek a Life Coach and not a psychologist?

It comes down to what you want out of each session. Personal choice. Some people are very comfortable with psychologists and the way they work, others are not. For those who are not, emotion-based Life Coaching can be just what they’re looking for.

What is it then, that inspires people to seek an Emotion-Based  Coach and go through a course such as those offered by YOU University?

The same thing that inspires anybody who sets out...

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